I had a tearful reunion with an old friend. Tearful because he “cried a river” when he narrated to me an unfortunate event in his life.
He is a balikbayan, the eldest in the family of 4. He worked his “ass day and night” in the good ole USA and came home with a bundle sufficient enough to outlast him in his temporal life.
He is literally enjoying his life. And because he is no longer working here, he spends most of his time “advising” his parents on their family business, and the rest of the time just basking on anything that’s fun and enjoyable.
While he is financially stable, his other siblings are in complete contrast. While he has more than enough, his other siblings are still completely dependent on their parents for their daily sustenance.
Nagsalig lang gihapon sa ilang mga ginikanan sa tanan nilang panginahanglan, apil na ang pag-paeskuyla ug ang mga gamit sa eskuylahan.
In other words, they grew up, and raised their children, as complete parental parasites.
* * *
Having experienced the bitter-sweet life of corporate USA, he knows how to shed sweat, sometimes blood, just to make both ends meet. He knows the value of time, the value of sincerity in his works and everything associated with the quest for a good life in the USA.
And slowly, but surely, he got what he wanted.
And he wanted to share all of these traits and values to the family business.
At first, that was a welcome.
His advices were warmly welcomed by his siblings because they thought that the business style of their parents was already outdated, archaic and obsolete and they thought that the business style of their eldest sibling was more appropriate, and more practical.
For instance, he told me, he suggested that they ought to relax a bit on their hold of the business empire because “they are not getting any younger” and there is a need for “fresh thoughts, fresh vision and of course, fresh blood.”
But his parents wanted none of it.
They are used to doing “hands on” even when the business is already expanding and highly diversified.
Of course, my friend understood the family dynamics.
One time, the father/patriarch told them in no uncertain terms that “kami nagsugod, kami nagpadako unya karon, kusog na mo mo-question sa among gihimo?”
Simply said, the parents are hesitant to relinquish their hold on the business.
* * *
So instead of directly contradicting their business policies, my friend worked to “improve” the approach taken by his parents. And just as he expected, the parents started to realize the merit of his recommendations and started to listen to him very keenly.
This resulted in him getting the “ears” of his parents whenever there are important decisions or issues that arise. He became the implementor, the executioner and chief adviser of his parents.
His other siblings thought this was bad news. It didn’t take long for them to start questioning his motives.
He became the kontrabida. And worse, some of his nephews and nieces considered him as toxic.
Af first, he didn’t know that he was labelled as toxic, among others, because all these bad-mouthing activities occurred in the social media and my friend is not a tech savvy.
But some of his nephews took pity on him and they also thought that the label and the badmouthing was thoroughly unfair.
So they provided him with photoshots of their “toxic entries.”
Some were palatable, the others were outright obnoxious and highly malicious.
And that is when he realized that even his siblings were joining the fray and “stabbing him in the back” like there is no tomorrow.
In his words, it was a social media riot with him as the target of the stabbing from all directions.
* * *
The ruckus must have reached the ears of the parents, and this resulted in the mother/matriarch getting the brunt of the parental pain and suffered a stroke, deadly at that.
That triggered a series of incidents and his father is now left all alone to deal with the family issues. Depression, mental anxiety and old age all conspired to render him partially sane and mobile and my friend is deeply troubled.
Silently, he blamed himself for the “family misfortune” because his being toxic or kontrabida caused a stampede of events that resulted in the loss of his mother, and the partial loss of his father, plus the growing rift in the family.
And this is basically the reason for the tearful reunion.
* * *
On closer inspection, there was nothing wrong with what he did – to provide advice to his parents.
On closer inspection, his siblings were not happy with his toxicity because it brought to light their utter dependence to their parents. They did not want to really work, they were just happy to continue with the parasitic atmosphere of getting the support for their daily lives, including that of their children.
On closer inspection, the disease or ailment of the parents – as parasites – have afflicted their children too – that of utter dependence to their Lolo or Lola. And this is basically the start of the FB riot that targetted my friend.
The nephews and nieces of my friend have grafted into their minds the idea that their Lolo and Lola also have the responsibility to raise and support all their daily needs. So when their stake was affected, they immediately resorted to the weapon available to them, the social media.
* * *
Right now, “all is silent in the western front.” There is a rift in the family and its growing wide, fanned mostly by the continuous barrage of unpalatable verbal attacks from his nieces and nephews, all because they thought he was toxic, and should be hit from all sides.
From all appearances, the attacks are totally uncalled for.
The nephews and nieces should not expect much from the Lolo or Lola but from their parents. It is the sole responsibility of the parents to rear, nurture and raise their children, not to pass on this responsibility to the Lolo or Lola.
But then again, this is the law of nature.
Kon unsa ang punoan, mao sab ang bunga.
Kon nagtubo sila nga gihimong sama sa piggy bank ang family business, then they would expect that it is their right, not anymore a privilege.
Kay wa maanad og hard work, then the parents could not expect their children to do otherwise.
* * *
Ang nakapait pa gyod, added my friend, kay mahilig ning akong mga igsoon ug mga social life. Sosyalan kaayo ang dating, he said.
Abtik kaayo sa mga charitable works, sa mga conferences and seminars on responsible parenthood unya usahay, mao pa gyod ang resource persons. Giunsa kaha to nila pagyawyaw sa ilang mga audience, he jested.
Seguro, how to become irresponsible parents ang ilang topic, he said while nursing his favorite SanMig Light.
At this point, I sensed that my friend was already tipsy so I begged off and started to leave.
He suddenly stood up and shedding some tears, asked that we talk some more on his problem in the following week.
* * *
Meanwhile, I already got the names of the capitol employees who would be charged successively by the OGAR.
Accordingly, the employees concerned got wind of this development and they are now trying their best to “talk their way out.”
No idea though how the capitol would address this issue – mosugot ba or balibaran?
I have a suggestion though.
They can make their offer attractive by promising to “spill the beans” on the mastermind, the chief scammer who is now busy trying to insert himself in the BBM hierarchy.
By promising to rat it out, they would be helping the OGAR on its mandate and they can probably be considered as “state witnesses.”
