{"id":14791,"date":"2025-04-13T08:22:17","date_gmt":"2025-04-13T08:22:17","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/theboholtimes.com\/?p=14791"},"modified":"2025-04-21T05:50:58","modified_gmt":"2025-04-21T05:50:58","slug":"is-everyone-perfect","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/theboholtimes.com\/?p=14791","title":{"rendered":"Is Everyone Perfect?<\/i>"},"content":{"rendered":"\n
\"\"<\/figure>\n\n\n\n

MANY of us believe perfectionism is a positive. You may count me in.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

More often than I\u2019d like to admit, something seemingly inconsequential will cause the same feeling to rear its head again. Something as small as accidentally squashing the makeup I was bringing my first girlfriend\u2019s family for Christmas can tumble around in my mind for several days, accompanied by occasional voices like \u201cHow stupid!\u201d and \u201cYou should have known better\u201d.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Falling short of a bigger goal, even when I know achieving it would be near-impossible, can temporarily flatten me. When a former agent told me that she knew I was going to write a book someday but that the particular idea I\u2019d pitched her didn\u2019t suit the market, I felt deflated in a gut-punching way that went beyond disappointment. The negative drowned out the positive. \u201cYou\u2019re never going to write a book,\u201d my internal voice said. \u201cYou\u2019re not good enough.\u201d That voice didn\u2019t care that this directly contradicted what the agent actually said.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

That\u2019s the thing about perfectionism. It takes no prisoners.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

The rise in perfectionism doesn\u2019t mean each generation is becoming more accomplished. It means we\u2019re getting sicker, sadder and even undermining our own potential.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Here is another great example: a perfectionist, French Claude Monet often destroyed his paintings in a temper while saying, \u2018My life has been nothing but a failure’.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Perfectionism, after all, is an ultimately self-defeating way to move through the world. It is built on an excruciating irony: making, and admitting, mistakes is a necessary part of growing and learning and being human. It also makes you better at your career and relationships and life in general. By avoiding mistakes at any cost, a perfectionist can make it harder to reach their own lofty goals.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Culturally, I learned, we often see perfectionism as a positive. Even saying you have perfectionistically tendencies can come off as a coy compliment to yourself; it\u2019s practically a stock answer to the \u201cWhat\u2019s your worst trait?\u201d question in job interviews. (Past employers, now you know! I wasn\u2019t just being cute).<\/p>\n\n\n\n

It is difficult to tell who is motivated and conscientious and who is a perfectionist. In my daily teaching at Ateneo de Davao University, I meet a student who works hard and gets a poor mark. If she\/her tells herself: \u201cI\u2019m disappointed, but it\u2019s okay; I\u2019m still a good person overall,\u201d that\u2019s healthy. If the message is: \u201cI\u2019m a failure. I\u2019m not good enough,\u201d that\u2019s perfectionism.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

That inner voice criticises different things for different people \u2013 work, relationships, tidiness, fitness. My own tendencies may differ greatly from somebody else\u2019s. It can take someone who knows me well to pick up on them. (When I messaged one of my friends I was writing this story, he immediately sent back a long line of laughing emojis).<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Fear of failure is getting magnified in other ways, too. Take social media: make a mistake today and your fear that it might be broadcast, even globally, is hardly irrational. At the same time, all of those glossy feeds reinforce unrealistic standards.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

In my opinion, and I am not alone with it, it\u2019s the idea that you don\u2019t have to be perfect to be lovable or to be loved. It\u2019s a work in progress. And, what I\u2019ve noticed too, is that, each time I\u2019m able to replace criticizing and perfecting with compassion, I feel not only less stressed, but freer. Apparently, that\u2019s not unusual.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

How about you, my dear readers?<\/p>\n\n\n\n

***<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Email: doringklaus@gmail.com or follow me on Facebook and LinkedIn or visit my www.germanexpatinthephilippines.blogspot.com or www.klausdoringsclassicalmusic.blogspot.com .<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

MANY of us believe perfectionism is a positive. You may count me in. More often than I\u2019d like to admit, something seemingly inconsequential will cause the same feeling to rear its head again. 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